Should I Text Him? A Guide for Chronic Overthinkers

Is it a phone or a magic eight ball? Clutching it tighter and turning it over endlessly in your palm is not going to magically elicit a response to your desperate question: “Should I text him?” 

That one tiny query loops in your mind, loud and unrelenting, like a holiday earworm. 

Even if you’re not prone to anxiety, the texting question in new relationships can land anyone on the podium of the overthinking Olympics. “What if it’s soon?” “What if he’s not interested?” “Will I look desperate?” “I don’t want him to have all the power.”

The good news is that you’re not alone. Anyone navigating dating these days is subject to this universal question and, since we’re all in this together, let’s weigh some of our options to alleviate the agony of our digital angst. 

If You Want to Text First, Go for it. 

It’s an era of constant contact—even if it’s just to send an inconsequential meme—so, in truth, a quick text doesn’t automatically translate to desperation. Feel free to put yourself out there without reading too much into it. The key is to keep it breezy. Share an interesting article or just offer a thoughtful check-in as to how his day is going. Low-pressure, no expectations.  

What if You Wait (and He Doesn’t Text)?

It’s anxiety inducing, sure, but we need to remember that a lack of texting does not automatically mean something bad (but it could). He could just be busy or distracted or [gasp!] he might be overthinking things just as much as you are. 

Surviving Post-Text Panic (The 5-Minute Freakout)

Let’s say you took the leap and sent the text. Now what? 

• Put the phone down. Walk away. Go clean your kitchen or play with your dog or start an intricate craft. Now is a great time to learn cross-stitch. 
• Assume he’s busy. He could be at work or maybe he’s driving. Try not to jump to conclusions. 
• Resist overanalyzing (next to impossible, yes). There’s nothing to be gained by overthinking this. 
• Remember your worth. His timeline for responding is not a reflection on your value as a human. 

Decoding His Text Behaviour

Your phone finally flickers with a response. Finally, it’s time to put on our [over]thinking caps. 

The Late-Night Text

A text after dark could mean he’s finally free after a long day or maybe that he’s interested in something physical. Note the tone If he’s kind and consistent, proceed with caution. If he ghosts all day but messages at night, it’s time to reevaluate.

The One-Word Response

Ladies, you need more than “Cool,” “K,” or “Yep.” That’s no way to communicate with someone. If it’s occasional, that might be excusable, but don’t fall into a one-sided conversation. 

If he’s consistently responding to you with one word answers, especially with extended periods of time between replies, this could indicate that he’s simply not quite as interested or invested as you are.

Lightning-Fast Replies

Repeat after me: If he wanted to he would. Quick responses tend to indicate interest, respect, or courtesy. If he’s making an effort to prioritize responding, let yourself appreciate that effort and match his energy in return.

Bonus Tip: Protect Your Privacy

Early communication in the beginning stages of getting to know someone can feel uncomfortably uncertain, especially in online dating. There’s no need to immediately share your personal number. Instead, use Hushed to generate a temporary secondary line just for texting potential matches to stay connected without compromising your privacy.

Take a deep breath. You’ve got this!