Should I Call Him After a Breakup?

TLDR: No.  

Breakups are messy. Even “clean” breakups, parting with love and the best of intentions, can be messy. At first you might be relieved, convinced you’re better off without him, and the next, you find yourself staring at your phone, wondering if one call—just one little call—could grant you some answers, some closure. The temptation is certainly real…but that doesn’t mean that its a good idea. So, should you call him after a breakup? Let’s discuss.  

What’s the Objective? 

Before you unblock him and pull up his contact, ask yourself (honestly): What am I looking for? Why do I want to call?

Is it for closure? Truthfully, closure doesn’t often come from one conversation, or even several—it comes from within and it can take a long time to achieve. Sadly, the reality is that most post-breakup calls don’t end with a clear, satisfying conclusion.  

Are you checking to see if he misses you? You already know that if he does, he’s the one who is going to reach out. If you’re phoning him then there’s a good chance that you won’t receive the answer that would make you feel better at this moment. 

Is there a part of you that wants to call to test the water about getting back together? It’s probably safe to say that, if a breakup felt like the right choice when it initially happened, then calling could needlessly drag out your pain instead of healing it.  

When Calling Might Be Okay After a Breakup vs When You Should Absolutely Not Call

Admittedly, there are a few very specific situations in which reaching out after a breakup might make sense:

• If you need to work out logistics about shared responsibilities (like kids or pets)
• If the breakup was mutual and you truly can have a respectful conversation to finalize details (like a move-out date) 
• If you know that you owe him an apology (for peace of mind—not to win him back)

Most breakups require a clean break—no exceptions. Do not pick up your phone if:

• You’re just feeling lonely or emotional (especially if it’s the middle of the night)
• You still have hope that he’ll admit to his mistakes (and maybe even want you back)
• He treated you poorly, was abusive, or disrespectful to you
• You want him to provide you with some magical words from an imagined script to grant you closure

Remember the expert-recommended “no-contact” rule exists for a reason when asking “should I call him after a breakup”. The consensus is that most people should take 30 days after a break up to give themselves space to heal. If you’re meant to reconnect, it’ll happen organically. 

If you’re really struggling to quell the urge to call, consider writing a letter (but don’t send it). Pen your emotions, regrets, and hopes for the future. Write everything that you would say to him if you were on the phone. Just working through your thoughts in this way can help you process some difficult emotions. 

Turn to your friends for support. They’ll likely be happy to remind you why you broke up in the first place and can help provide healthy and fun distractions to keep your mind occupied while you focus on yourself. 

And if all else fails, delete and block his number.