What Is a Unicorn in Dating?

The online dating world comes with its own lingo. There’s terminology that isn’t used elsewhere and, depending on the type of relationship dynamics you’re interested in, you might also find sub-languages that define all types of roles and preferences. 

If you’ve found yourself swiping through dating apps or chatting in groups about various types of relationships, you might have picked up on the use of this term and asked yourself, “what is a unicorn in dating?” Spoiler: it’s not a reference to a mythical horned beast but rather an intentional nickname for a real person within the dating world—especially kink-based and polyamorous circles. 

So, What is a Unicorn in Dating?

In the context of dating, a unicorn is typically (but not always) a bisexual person who is looking (or is open) to joining a couple for a romantic or sexual relationship. The term “unicorn” is used because this individual is rare, highly sought after, and often idealized—sometimes to the point of being compared to a mythical fantasy. 

Often seen in polyamory or kink communities wherein the couple is exploring consensual non-monogamy, unicorns are attracted to both individuals within the existing couple and are happy to be integrated into the couple without causing a disruption. They should not have high emotional needs and be okay with sharing affections and watching affections being shared. If this does indeed sound magical, that’s kind of the main issue. 

Why is the Term “Unicorn” Controversial?

Sometimes people embrace the term unicorn with pride but others might see it as problematic. The critique lies in the removal of someone’s agency within a relationship. It can suggest that the third person joining a couple visits only for the enjoyment of the others and lacks their own autonomy. 

No matter how willing, nobody should be treated as solely an accessory within someone else’s relationship. 

A successful unicorn dynamic requires clear communication, mutual respect for all parties, and a genuine interest and attraction to one another. It isn’t just a matter of checking something off the list to spice things up. 

Who Can be a Unicorn?

Anyone can step into the role of a unicorn. Although the term tends to refer to a woman, it is not gender specific. A unicorn is typically someone who:

• Is open to non-traditional relationship dynamics
• Enjoys dating or intimacy with established couples
• Has a high level of emotional intelligence
• Values clear boundaries and communication

Unicorns are often inclined to offer more than just a one-time hook up. Oftentimes they’re curious about forming real connections and having new experiences with alternative love structures. 

Unicorn Dating Done Right

If you’re interested in seeking a unicorn for your relationship—or you think you might be one yourself—remember that respect is the name of the game. Be open and honest about expectations, and for an extra layer of safety, use secure tools for communication.

Consider setting up a secondary phone number from Hushed to keep your real number private while you explore unfamiliar territory. While chatting with people from dating apps, it’s a smart way to stay safe until trust is built. You can text, call, and even set custom voicemails—without giving away personal info.